Stained.
"To the Jews who had believed him, Jesus said, “If you hold to my teaching, you are really my disciples. Then you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free.” - John 8:31-32
Y'all wanna hear a funny story? Unfortunately, I'm the main character in this one.
On Monday, I worked a split shift: 2 hours in the morning and a work event in the evening. Usually, I like to get fully dressed for work, even if I'm working from home. Not Monday. It was a rainy, gloomy day and I decided to be a productive couch potato.
I took my meeting on the couch. Afterwards, I worked on my plans for my husband's birthday. I scribbled all of my notes down with my go-to blue gel ink pen.
Let's talk about the couch: the couch was my husband's grandmother's, who recently passed away. It was in her formal living room - the kind you go in just for special occasions - so it was practically brand new. It's not only beautiful but, of course, holds a special place to my husband and I because it was hers.
Knowing this, I tried to be as careful as possible with where I sat my blue gel ink pen. I'd seen how it stained my mother's couch and our previous couch when it was accidentally sat on or scribbled on. I was making a conscious effort to keep it clear from the couch and it seemed like everything was going well...
I got home from my work event that evening and went to sit on the couch. As I sat down.... *gasp*
Apparently, my attempt to keep my pen away failed. There on the right cushion, in plain sight, was a blue stain about and inch and a half wide.
OMG! Lord whyyyyy?!?!?!
I knew that my husband would be upset that it was stained. This wasn't just a new sofa that we purchased...it holds more meaning to him, considering the time and the significance.
Not to mention, we'd already had a tense discussion on my way to the work event that still needed to be resolved. This was about to be the icing on the cake. (Well, more the dark icing that's super bitter because of all of the food coloring!)
How was I going to tell him about this?!
Of all times?!
These were the thoughts that raced through my mind and the conclusion that I came up with? I decided not to tell him. I was going to fix it - I would tell him about it once it was already fixed.
*tense smile*
The next morning, my husband left for work and it seemed that he hadn't noticed the stain on the couch.
Ok, cool. This gives me time to get it fixed!
That morning, I frantically searched for and called around to a few different sofa and carpet cleaning company. First thing I learned, this was not going to be cheap. Just so you know, to get just one couch professionally cleaned will run you nearly $200 (which is insane, if you ask me but I was desperate!). I'd decided that I'd take whatever the cost was from my savings - this was an emergency!
After calling, I finally spoke with a company and explained my predicament - they were able to fit me on the schedule that same day! Not only that, the technician called and was at my house in less than an hour! Thank you, Jesus!! This has saved my life!!
When he let me know that he was on his way, I suddenly thought about a caveat to my plan: my husband recently bought and placed a Ring-like camera on our front door! Doggone it!!
*sigh*
There was no way to hide that this technician was coming - I could take the camera down, but then he would ask me why. I could cover it and he would ask the same.
There was no way around it: when this technician shows up at the door, my husband was going to get a notification and video on the app...which would then prompt him to call me.
Ohhh technology, ruining my scheme...
Somehow, this realization still didn't prompt me to give my husband a call before the technician came to our door. I just waited for the moment that I knew that he would call...
Sure enough, the technician arrived. He spot treated the stain and it seemed to come out really good relatively quickly, since it was a fairly fresh stain. Within about 10 minutes, the call that I knew was coming, came from my husband:
I answered the phone and my husband was in defense mode. He was wondering who this man was and how he got into our home. In a mousey sorta way, I let him know that this was the technician that came to clean the couch, because I'd stained it.... *sigh* Here it comes...
For one, he was relieved that it wasn't an utter stranger in our home. That at least took him out of defense mode. Then he asked, "Why didn't you tell me?" I let him know that I knew how much the couch meant to him and I knew he'd be upset. I figured I'd get it fixed, before he could see it. Then, he said words that I could've fell to my knees at the moment when I heard them:
"I already knew."
What?!?!
Yeah.
I had gone through all of the stress that morning in an attempt to hide this stain from him and it turns out, he'd already noticed it. Smh...
The talk went much better than I'd anticipated. Although, he didn't understand why I would hide it from him, it honestly wasn't as big of a deal to him as I thought that it would be. I apologized and he let me know that it was ok.
We hung up and, while it could seem like I'd gotten off the hook, I know my husband. He was going to continue to think about this situation and he was going to have more to say - that was the part 1 of me being in "wife trouble".
About 15 minutes later, as the technician is finishing cleaning the couch, in walks my husband. Part 2 was coming sooner than I expected.
The technician went out to his van for a while and my husband said, "We need to talk."
.................................
He then expressed (in a non-elevated tone) that this wasn't good. How he didn't like me hiding things from him. Even though this was fairly harmless, it made him more suspicious of what other things I could be hiding. Not only that, he was concerned for my safety. What was he to think with a strange man in the home with me by myself?
As he talked, I felt small. He was right.
Why did I fear his reaction so much that I would go through such lengths to hide them?! True, it would be uncomfortable for me in the moment, but I know that my husband loves me and would forgive.
I admitted to him that what I did was cowardly and I felt embarrassed. Not to mention, it hurt me to see the hurt that I caused my husband with how I'd dealt with this scenario. Because I wasn't upfront and honest, I'd created mistrust.
I apologized and made a promise to come to him, honestly...even if I felt that he would be upset with me. He accepted my apology, we kissed and he went back to work.
Soon after, the technician came back into collect payment for the job. It was a whopping $300! Enough to make me doubt sitting on that couch ever again with any kind of pen!
After he left, I felt God sit me down. I sat and looked over at the sofa - the stain was virtually gone now. What originally would've been a moment of pride was now a moment of remorse: I'd gone through all of this trouble to hide and clean this stain, only to create a stain...on my marriage. on my character.
Mistakes are unavoidable in life, even when we're intentional and prudent about what we are doing. How we recover from them is what's most important - do those mistakes get to define your character?
Even though I wish I didn't have to go through this, this was clearly a teachable sent from Heaven:
God already knows our stains - our sins. Just like with my husband, we can't hide them from Him. There's nothing that we can do in our power to necessarily "fix" them. When we are stained, we have to let Him in so that He can partner with us. So that we can remain in union with Him.
Is He happy about what we've done? No.
Is He faithful to love and forgive and partner with EVERYONE who earnestly CONFESSES their transgressions and seek Him? Yes. Let him in. Let him see that stain. He'll still love you. He does right now...
The moment I found so beautiful in this lesson was when my husband came home from work. I was on my way to Target and I rolled down the window and he handed me a bouquet of a dozen roses.
Wow...
After I'd broken his trust earlier that day, he'd not only forgiven me, but given me beautiful red roses. I felt overwhelmed in that moment with how'd he'd love me.
It is a true reflection of how Jesus love us: when we confess and turn away from sin, he doesn't forsake us. He crowns of with way more than we deserve - forgiveness (mercy) and righteousness (grace).
Thank you, Father God. Lesson Learned.
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